sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
