He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
These tits shall not be calmed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
