A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
