And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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