I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
