well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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