i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
