Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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