I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
