So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
