tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
