You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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