Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
