Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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