I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
