so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
