He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
tell me about the fingering
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