My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
