fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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