Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
