why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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