I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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