I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
