she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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