She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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