we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
