dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
