apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
