A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
