btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
