the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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