So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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