Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
