Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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