Don't make out with my wife yet
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
