It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
