he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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