So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
