I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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