Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
