Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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