you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
