Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
