her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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