you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need to calm my uterus...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
