Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
