We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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