There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She needs sedatives and a leash
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
