Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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