At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have aggressive nipples.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
