I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
