i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
