Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
