Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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