I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
