I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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