Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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