just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
